Aynil's first negative review made me stop and think.

I recently read a review of The Tale of Aynil the Traveler that really didn’t say much other than the reviewer could not recommend the book because of two sentences on page 108. Those of you who have read the story may remember this chapter as the one in which a teenager commits suicide. In the sentences, Death says, "How do you know that this isn't what he was meant to do all along? How do you know that what his friends and family might accomplish because of this isn't greater than the loss?"

Before I offer my opinion of the reviewer’s opinion, I would like to share the history of this chapter.

In January of 2009, my wife and I saw a flood of seven police cars and two emergency vehicles come down our small street. Our fourteen-year-old neighbor had shot and killed himself. We had known him all his life.

The first thing that happened is we tried to comfort his family who gathered in our house. The second thing we had to do was keep my daughter and son away until things quieted down which meant sending our son to his grandparents and arranging for our daughter to go home with a friend. Later that night, I also had to coach her basketball team in order to keep up the facade. We would tell her what happened after the game.

This type of death affects everyone differently. I spent hours wondering what I might have done to prevent this tragedy but somehow knew that that kind of thinking would not accomplish anything. Still, I became depressed and spent a lot of time alone with my guitar when I knew my family responsibilities were fulfilled. I also looked for spiritual guidance for answers. Some religions frown on suicide to the extent that entrance into heaven is not allowed to those whose lives end in this devastating manner. I did not wish this for anyone let alone our young neighbor. So I looked inward to find answers and that is where I was told that I needed to share the story with others.

While penning the most difficult chapter I have ever written, I drew from the pain I was feeling and the anger I had toward the many things in our society that alienate us from others (personal electronics being the primary culprit) and sought some supernatural justification for someone taking their own life. From that desperate search for logic came the controversial sentences in the book. Thinking, no believing, that his loss, almost as a martyr, would bring about a greater gain for our world, helped me get through that very difficult time. As it turned out, his mother went on to work with organizations that try to prevent teen suicide and remains active. I also think this book offers a different kind of help – one that can be found in a solitary time.

Now, a couple years after Aynil has been out, I read this review that was oblivious to me until very recently. So I pulled a copy of the book from the shelf, turned to page 108 and began to read. I read to the end of the chapter and realized that the reviewer was right. He/She was not right in that the book is bad or not recommendable – I still think it is very well written and will appeal to the audience for which it is written. I believe the reviewer was right because the chapter did not convey the message I meant to share. I do not condone suicide and spent the last two pages of that chapter trying to give answers to why any of us would be tested so emotionally in our lives and the benefits to fighting through those trials.

The bottom line is that a couple paragraphs of that chapter will be rewritten. I will post them on this blog when completed later this week. The boy still takes his own life. Unfortunately this kind of stuff does happen in real life and I am not one to hide the truth from anyone. Hopefully by sharing the truth, our kids will have less of this pain to endure.