New Chapter 18 for Aynil

As I wrote in the previous post, Aynil was getting a rewrite. It took a little longer than expected but the new Chapter 18 is done and the new book interiors will be sent to the printer this week. As promised, here is the new Chapter 18: Aspen's Shiney Box.

Aspen was unfazed by Autumn’s story. He just stared at the shiny box. I dared to ask to see it.

            “I learned quite a bit from the elves about how things go together,” I offered. “It looks as if it might plug into something or have something plug into it.”

            “I know,” said Aspen. “I’ve seen it bein’ used.” He dragged his finger around the dial and the screen and, after a brief moment of introspection, pushed the hand holding the box toward me.

            “I’ll be careful,” I said as I gingerly grasped the smooth, metal object.

            I rotated the box in my hands and was amazed at the simplicity. I touched the circular pad and pressed the single button until the back light of the screen glowed revealing the words “Everybody Hurts.”

            “There’s a wire with things that go in your ears on the table that plug into that hole in the top,” said Aspen.

            “You want to try ‘em? I’ll get ‘em for ya’,” said Autumn as he rose.

            “In my ears?” I replied. “Seems like that would be pretty distracting. Besides, it’s probably not a good idea to stick human things in my ears; at least not without medical attention nearby.” Autumn and Maple chuckled a little at the comment that Aspen appeared to not hear.

“I’ll tell my story now, if that’s alright with y’all?” Aspen said. I didn’t expect to hear from the reluctant fairy that night. I settled into my perch with the shiny box in my hands and waited.

“It was winter,” he began. “It was one of those cold-with-no-snow kinda winters. Those are the worst kinda winters if you ask me. Everything is brown, the sun goes down early and comes up late, and the sky threatens to snow every day but just makes everything gray instead. No one goes outside. And no one is very happy.

            “The box belonged to a boy. He was almost a man but humans call most teenagers boys. Death took me to his house. She pointed at some pictures of him with his friends and his family. He had a great smile when he wasn’t being too cool to use it. I expected to see someone with a grave disease or something. I thought I’d see him stuck in a bed about to pass like the old man Autumn told you about. When Death took me to his room, there was no one there.

            “The room was very neat. You know, clean. The bed was made, the clothes were all put away, and the shoes were lined up inside the closet. There were more pictures of the boy by himself, another of what must have been a girlfriend and one that may have been a very good friend that was a boy. There were trophies and a poster of some cheerleaders but there was no gravely ill boy. Then we heard the sound of a door opening on the lower floor and footsteps trudging up the stairs. A little bit later the door opened and the boy walked into the room.

            “He didn’t look like the boy in the pictures. His hair was that fake black color, his shoulders were slumped over and he did not smile. He looked worried. He looked sad. He looked confused. He looked uncomfortable in his own room. He wore those things in his ears and held the box in his hand. He tossed his backpack on the bed and left.”

            “Watch him carefully for me,” Death said to me. “I will be back.”

            “I was confused but stayed behind as she asked. I had been with many dying people but the boy looked physically fine to me.

            “After awhile the boy came back into the room with two small pictures and a felt bag with something heavy in it. He still had those things in his ears. The box was in his pocket. Tears trickled down his face as he wrote “I’m sorry” on the back of the two pictures and took them out of the room. He came back in and sat on the bed beside the felt bag. He opened it very methodically and pulled out a gun.

            “I tried to listen to his thoughts but only heard the music from the things in his ears and the box. I heard the words “everybody hurts” and “hold on” but could not hear his thoughts or why he needed to hear these words. I tried to talk to him but he could not hear me over the music. More “everybody hurts” and more “hold on” but the words weren’t working. Why weren’t they working? Then Death appeared again beside me and said ‘you may go now.’

            “I can’t leave!” I yelled. “We have to stop him!”

            “It is not our place to stop them. We are here to make them comfortable.”

            “But he’s not comfortable. He’s sad. He’s confused. He doesn’t want to do this. He can’t want this. Even the music is telling him to hold on. He’s only a boy.”

            “We are here to make him comfortable,” she repeated only this time her voice cracked. That was when I noticed the tears in Death’s eyes. She never cried. Normally Death treated passing on as just part of the life cycle but somehow this was different. She didn’t want to be there. She didn’t want to take this young spirit.

            “I tried again to speak to the boy but again the music blocked my words. Then there was a loud blast and he was gone – his confused spirit wrapped in Death’s soothing cloak, flying away to the place known only to her and those who have gone before him; the place where we all go eventually.

            “I stayed behind looking at the remains of what was a beautiful child and could only think of not being able to connect. I blamed the box and the things in the ears that kept me from reaching him. I needed to stop this from happening again, so I took it. I took his music box.”

            There was a moment of silence. We just sat there and listened as the wind rustled the leaves making the few water drops that still clung to them fall to the ground.

            “She came back that night,” said Maple, briefly looking to Aspen as if for approval. “Death, she came to us that night to help us better understand what had happened. She said ‘No one comes here to die at their own hand. Those who fight through the most difficult experiences – the ones that bring you to your knees and make you say ‘this is too hard’ – are the ones best suited to help others in the future.’”

            “She said ‘it is a rare person who can empathize with others when they have not experienced great loss or heartache,’” added Amber. “‘It is through the greatest losses and deepest pain that we learn the most important lessons. And those who are given the gift of these most difficult lessons, have a much greater destiny than the pain they are feeling at that moment.’”

            “I asked her why she was crying,” interrupted Aspen. “She said ‘because taking your own life solves nothing. While his spirit is in a more peaceful place, it remains troubled and confused and still searches for the answers to the questions he ran away from.’ Then I asked her ‘why me? Why did you take me to his room?’ She answered with the same cracking voice I heard in the bedroom, ‘because I knew you would try to stop him.’

            “It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,” recited Aspen. “All things must pass; this too will pass. Nothing lasts forever.” Then he sighed and raised his head. “That’s what I would have said to him. But he couldn’t hear me.”

            He pushed off from his perch and fluttered in my direction. He stopped and hovered in front of me and looked into my eyes with a peacefulness uncommon to such a young face. Then he smiled and held out his hand and said, “This is not a good time to be distracted.”

            I smiled an understanding smile and placed the shiny box in his hand.

            Through the silence came a sweet sounding breeze. It wasn’t really a  breeze but it sounded like a soft wind that was coated with honey. I guess it was more soothing than sweet. Whatever it was, it was familiar. It was what the boys heard every night before fulfilling their duties. The three small fairies looked at each other and rose.

            “She’s comin’,” said Maple. “She must be mad at us.”

            “We couldn’t leave. It was rainin’,” said Autumn.

            “Maybe she’s not comin’ for us,” said Aspen.

            All three turned their attention to me. I was about to face Death.

Aynil's first negative review made me stop and think.

I recently read a review of The Tale of Aynil the Traveler that really didn’t say much other than the reviewer could not recommend the book because of two sentences on page 108. Those of you who have read the story may remember this chapter as the one in which a teenager commits suicide. In the sentences, Death says, "How do you know that this isn't what he was meant to do all along? How do you know that what his friends and family might accomplish because of this isn't greater than the loss?"

Before I offer my opinion of the reviewer’s opinion, I would like to share the history of this chapter.

In January of 2009, my wife and I saw a flood of seven police cars and two emergency vehicles come down our small street. Our fourteen-year-old neighbor had shot and killed himself. We had known him all his life.

The first thing that happened is we tried to comfort his family who gathered in our house. The second thing we had to do was keep my daughter and son away until things quieted down which meant sending our son to his grandparents and arranging for our daughter to go home with a friend. Later that night, I also had to coach her basketball team in order to keep up the facade. We would tell her what happened after the game.

This type of death affects everyone differently. I spent hours wondering what I might have done to prevent this tragedy but somehow knew that that kind of thinking would not accomplish anything. Still, I became depressed and spent a lot of time alone with my guitar when I knew my family responsibilities were fulfilled. I also looked for spiritual guidance for answers. Some religions frown on suicide to the extent that entrance into heaven is not allowed to those whose lives end in this devastating manner. I did not wish this for anyone let alone our young neighbor. So I looked inward to find answers and that is where I was told that I needed to share the story with others.

While penning the most difficult chapter I have ever written, I drew from the pain I was feeling and the anger I had toward the many things in our society that alienate us from others (personal electronics being the primary culprit) and sought some supernatural justification for someone taking their own life. From that desperate search for logic came the controversial sentences in the book. Thinking, no believing, that his loss, almost as a martyr, would bring about a greater gain for our world, helped me get through that very difficult time. As it turned out, his mother went on to work with organizations that try to prevent teen suicide and remains active. I also think this book offers a different kind of help – one that can be found in a solitary time.

Now, a couple years after Aynil has been out, I read this review that was oblivious to me until very recently. So I pulled a copy of the book from the shelf, turned to page 108 and began to read. I read to the end of the chapter and realized that the reviewer was right. He/She was not right in that the book is bad or not recommendable – I still think it is very well written and will appeal to the audience for which it is written. I believe the reviewer was right because the chapter did not convey the message I meant to share. I do not condone suicide and spent the last two pages of that chapter trying to give answers to why any of us would be tested so emotionally in our lives and the benefits to fighting through those trials.

The bottom line is that a couple paragraphs of that chapter will be rewritten. I will post them on this blog when completed later this week. The boy still takes his own life. Unfortunately this kind of stuff does happen in real life and I am not one to hide the truth from anyone. Hopefully by sharing the truth, our kids will have less of this pain to endure.